If you only knew

Tuesday's appointment went good. The baby is doing great. He/she was moving around and waving hello to the camera. This was the first time Delmon got to see our little peach so he was super excited. After that appointment, something in him changed, like it was finally real. Just seeing his baby has sparked an excitement in him that makes me ecstatic.
The down side to this appointment was I found out I have a small cyst on my ovary. I've had a cyst before that burst and hurt like hell. So of course I'm now super paranoid about this new discovery even though my dr said there was nothing to be worried about; we have to just watch it. Questions are swarming my head: what if it grows and starts to push on the baby? What if it burst and scares the baby? What if it burst and makes me bleed and scares the crap out of me? I know all of these things I have no control over but I'm starting to really get annoyed with my reproductive system.
I decided to get a doppler fetal heart monitor to listen to the baby's heart beat at home. I have so many fears and anxieties with this pregnancy that I had to do something to help ease my mind. I try not to think about what happened to my son but sometimes it just hits me like a tornado and brings me to my knees in tears. I'm tearing up right now just typing this. I know what happened to my son was something that just happened, God's will. I also know that the outcome could have been deadly and we are so incredibly blessed that Elyjah is alive, happy, healthy and making gains every single day. I also know that he will have to work hard every day of his life to maintain all of these gains so that he can function to the best of his ability.
I do not want this baby to have to go through any trauma at all. I just want everything to be ok from pregnancy through delivery. I have six more months to think about this and worry. I do my best not to, but.... I'm just hoping the fetal heart monitor will ease my fears a little.
I go see a hemotologist next week to do a full blood work-up. Although I'm expecting nothing to be wrong with my blood, I need to be 100% sure. If you know me, then you already know that I want all the information possible, positive and negative.
I guess my next steps should be finding some sort of stress relief. Massage maybe. Or reading by scented candle light in a bubble bath : ) If only I had the time lol.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

12 week check up today

Wow, I can't believe 3 weeks has gone by so fast. So much has changed in this short period of time and it's for the better. I feel a little less emotional these days and a whole lot more energized. I haven't left work early, haven't taken a nap mid-day, and I'm staying up at night until about 10 instead of 8. It feels good to have energy to play with my son and talk to my husband. I always thought that I loved to sleep but now I realize I love to sleep when I want to not when my body is forcing me to. I've only gained about 1 pound so far. At first I was really worried because with Elyjah I had already gained about 10 pounds at this point. My favorite food right now is Mexican. I can't get enough! I'm making chipotle and taco bell rich. I'm still not feeling chicken at all. I can't even smell it without getting queasy.
Today I go in for my 12 week check up and I'm terrified. It's suppose to be a joyous occasion to see the actual baby and not just a blob on the screen, but I have several friends that have had miscarriages this year. I'm afraid this might happen to me too. I'm happy that my husband is coming to this appointment and be able to see the baby and hear the heartbeat for the first time. He's very excited and I'm doing my best to stay positive and trust in God that everything will be ok.
On another note, I love my life, I love my family, annd I can't wait for Thanksgiving!

My Emotional Ride (9 weeks pregs)

    Every day I cry about something. It's crazy! At first I didn't realize that I was definitely on the beginning of my hormonal rollercoaster, but now, I know. I cried because I was afraid my husband would die; I cried because I was tired; I cried because I thought I was being a bad wife since I was crying so much. Ridiculous, I know. I had to inform Del that I wasn't hating him or really mad at him, I was just emotional and upset. Hopefully since I've had my enlightenment I will be able to control these emotions a little bit better.
    Today was my first day back to work; Monday and Tuesday we were on fall break and Wednesday I went to the Atlanta Board of Realtors orientation. I felt well rested this morning, thanks to the good love I received last night : ), so I wasn't annoyed when I was asked to cover a teacher's class as soon as I walked into the building. I found myself teaching exponential expressions, something I know very little about, but I was happy that I got to spend some time getting to know some of the freshmen. Second period, I was aked to cover a SAT prep class. I was little annoyed by this but all I had to was sit there on the computer. By lunch, I was drained and I really wanted to go home. Thank goodness for Kim and her Pickidilies food because it really gave me a boost of energy.
     This evening should be interesting, Del is going to have drinks with a co-worker so I will have Elyjah. I don't know how long this energy boost will last; hopefully long enough to get atleast a couple of hours of quality time with my son.
   Pregnancy is hard work on both the mind and the body! I almost forgot how draining this process is. It will all be worth it in the end though.

xoxo

Busy Growing

My baby is growing and so is my belly! I'm 8 weeks pregnant tomorrow : ) I've had a week full of nervousness because I've been spotting off and on. I talked to my Dr today and he told me not to worry since I have no cramping. Thank goodness.

Proud

    This blog isn't all about me and what's going on inside of me : )  I do have a wonderful husand who works so hard to take care of our family. He has a lot on his plate due to the new position he is in. After he comes home from work, he still has more work to do. Lets not forget he also works a second part-time job. Yesterday he worked both jobs and when he got home he had to do additional work for his full-time. I think he came to bed around 2am. Although he woke up this morning in a bad a mood, I know he's only doing what he feels is necessary.
     Last night, he got some good news from another school system. He was selected to participate in the 3rd and final round of interviews for A P positions. I'm so incredibily proud of him! He is such a smart, hard-working man. I'm looking forward to October, that's when his interview is taking place, so that he can get the position that he deserves.

I love you Delmon.

xoxo

A small sense of relief

    Today was another very hectic day. I took Elyjah to his Emory orthopedic evaluation appointment in the city. The doctor recommened another round of botox, a hand specialist and inceased therapy. As for the botoz, we will have to give it some more thought...but everything else, I agreed with her. After his appointment, I took him to school and went to work. I was going to spend the day at home with him but he stressed me out in the doctor's office, throwing a fit and screaming. So off to school he went. When I got to work the secretary said she would pay me for the whole day since I made the effort to come in<- love her. After work I had to run to my other office to turn in an assignment, go to wal-mart to grocery shop, pick up Elyjah from school, come home and feed him, wash a load of clothes, give him a bath..and now to my blog. I really hope tomorrow i can do some more relaxing because I'm exhausted.
    My appointment yesterday with Dr. Tate went very well. He told me that I was a good candidate for a vbac..great news for me! I was really hoping that he would atleast consider the option of having a vaginal birth even if in the end I have to do a c-section. I'm totally okay with a c-section if it comes down to it, I'm not okay with someone wanting to do a repeat c-section just because... Dr. Tate also talked to me about my fears of having complications or something being wrong with my blood. he told me that he would run some blood test on my next visit and refer them out to a thrombologist. I'm excited about that too because no other doctor would test me for clotting disorders even though I was told that clots in the placenta may have played a role in my son's stroke. I don't understand doctors these days. It's not like they would have to pay for the test, I have insurance for goodness sakes.
    My next appointment is on the 28th of September with Dr. Tate. During that appointment he will perform an ultrasound and do my blood work-up. I'm happy and continuing to pray for a peace-of-mind.

xoxo

Anxiety and Fear

   This past weekend was very eventful, to say the least. It started off early Saturday morning having to go to my real estate class. The class is 6 weeks long and teaches me how to become a better agent, i.e get more clients. I'm already finding it difficult because of the amount of work that needs to be done each day. I work a full time job and have to be a wife and mother when I get home. I guess I need to find some way to fit it all in. Anyway, after class I returned home and Delmon left for his second job. Only a few minutes had passed before Elyjah started throwing up. I did not know why and I started freaking out. He was sick all day Saturday : (  Of course all my plans for real estate and house-work went out the window.
    On Sunday, Elyjah started feeling better by the early afternoon, thank goodness. So I proceeded to do my normal Sunday cleaning routine. Sometime in the evening I noticed some light spotting. Of course I immediately paniced. My wonderful husband calmed me down and reassured me that it was normal. I love that man. He's my rock : ) It makes me tear up as I think about it and type it. So, we looked it up on google, of course, and the many resources we found said that it was normal during the first part of pregnancy.
    Today, Tuesday, I have a doctors appointment with a high-risk ob/gyn. I'm really excited to meet him and ask him all the questions that have been on my mind since after Elyjah's birth. This pregnancy has been slightly terrified and anxious but very excited. Hopefully he will have some answers for me, we shall see....

Exciting Day

I am a very impatient person to say the least. I'm not suppose to get my monthly cycle until this Saturday but I just couldn't wait. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for only one month now so I did not expect to be pregnant. Well anyway, after work yesterday I went to Wal-Mart and got a couple items along with a first response pregnancy test. I optd to get the non-digital one with 3 sticks because it was 4 dollars cheaper. So I went home and took the test. There was one dark pink line and one light pink line. I didn't trust it so I waited until my husband came home and I took another..same thing happened. Now it clearly states on the instructions that this could happen but I just did not trust it. I ended up going back to Walmart to get a digital test after much discussion with my husband (I felt stupid going back there and asking for another test from the same cashier. I tried walgreens first but there tests were 7 dollars more). I came home and took another test and that one said the words "YES+". I was so happy and excited I wanted to cry. My husband was also extremely happy about our new little one. The entire situation is still unreal to me but I have an appointment next Wednesday with a high risk obgyn. I'm so so happy I can barely contain myself.

Road Blocks

   I went to sleep last night with an entire agenda for today. I guess God had another plan for me because when I woke up I could barely swallow. When I got out of bed I realized that my entire body was sore. Thank goodness I already planned on taking off from work because there was no way I was going to make it today. O'well. It seems like anytime I do have free time off from the regular 9 to 5 something comes up and I'm unable to really do what I need to do for my true passion..real estate...which brings me to the foloowing story...
   One week before school started, I called to ask when I should report and I was told that I was not expected to report this year due to budget issues. This came as a complete surprise to me but I was not sad about it. I proceeded to make plans in my head to try and increase my real estate business. I told my husband about what was said and he flipped out internally. His jaw tightened, his face turned away, and his entire aura changed. Of course his primary concern was, how in the world are we going to pay our bills? I on the other hand, had already called on the All Mighty for guidance.
  On the night before school started I get a call from the school secretary asking if I can come in on Monday. Huh? I was taken aback by this. Didn't she just tell me I was fired? Of course I said yes, only for the sake of not arguing with my husband. I mean, I didn't really have a choice in the matter. So now I'm back at the school doing the same thing I did last year. I don't know what my position is, I don't feel like I'm a part of the staff because I have no set role and my salary has been cut.
    I'm trying to find time to expand my real estate business so that I can do it full time. This is what I love. This is what makes me happy.