If you only knew

Tuesday's appointment went good. The baby is doing great. He/she was moving around and waving hello to the camera. This was the first time Delmon got to see our little peach so he was super excited. After that appointment, something in him changed, like it was finally real. Just seeing his baby has sparked an excitement in him that makes me ecstatic.
The down side to this appointment was I found out I have a small cyst on my ovary. I've had a cyst before that burst and hurt like hell. So of course I'm now super paranoid about this new discovery even though my dr said there was nothing to be worried about; we have to just watch it. Questions are swarming my head: what if it grows and starts to push on the baby? What if it burst and scares the baby? What if it burst and makes me bleed and scares the crap out of me? I know all of these things I have no control over but I'm starting to really get annoyed with my reproductive system.
I decided to get a doppler fetal heart monitor to listen to the baby's heart beat at home. I have so many fears and anxieties with this pregnancy that I had to do something to help ease my mind. I try not to think about what happened to my son but sometimes it just hits me like a tornado and brings me to my knees in tears. I'm tearing up right now just typing this. I know what happened to my son was something that just happened, God's will. I also know that the outcome could have been deadly and we are so incredibly blessed that Elyjah is alive, happy, healthy and making gains every single day. I also know that he will have to work hard every day of his life to maintain all of these gains so that he can function to the best of his ability.
I do not want this baby to have to go through any trauma at all. I just want everything to be ok from pregnancy through delivery. I have six more months to think about this and worry. I do my best not to, but.... I'm just hoping the fetal heart monitor will ease my fears a little.
I go see a hemotologist next week to do a full blood work-up. Although I'm expecting nothing to be wrong with my blood, I need to be 100% sure. If you know me, then you already know that I want all the information possible, positive and negative.
I guess my next steps should be finding some sort of stress relief. Massage maybe. Or reading by scented candle light in a bubble bath : ) If only I had the time lol.

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12 week check up today

Wow, I can't believe 3 weeks has gone by so fast. So much has changed in this short period of time and it's for the better. I feel a little less emotional these days and a whole lot more energized. I haven't left work early, haven't taken a nap mid-day, and I'm staying up at night until about 10 instead of 8. It feels good to have energy to play with my son and talk to my husband. I always thought that I loved to sleep but now I realize I love to sleep when I want to not when my body is forcing me to. I've only gained about 1 pound so far. At first I was really worried because with Elyjah I had already gained about 10 pounds at this point. My favorite food right now is Mexican. I can't get enough! I'm making chipotle and taco bell rich. I'm still not feeling chicken at all. I can't even smell it without getting queasy.
Today I go in for my 12 week check up and I'm terrified. It's suppose to be a joyous occasion to see the actual baby and not just a blob on the screen, but I have several friends that have had miscarriages this year. I'm afraid this might happen to me too. I'm happy that my husband is coming to this appointment and be able to see the baby and hear the heartbeat for the first time. He's very excited and I'm doing my best to stay positive and trust in God that everything will be ok.
On another note, I love my life, I love my family, annd I can't wait for Thanksgiving!